My parents are away this weekend and I couldn't be more excited to be alone?

"Why?" You might ask? Some lover going to sneak over, got some big party planned, gonna have one of those cult ceremonies in your living room?

Nope.

I am happy to say that I get to for the first time in months, bemoan my loneliness in the quiet solitude of my residence. I know this kind of sounds crazy to be happy to be alone so that I can sulk about my general loneliness, but I swear there is something so great about quiet, Mallory pity party time. I need this.

I stocked up on supplies for the "party of 1" weekend after work, while others were stocking up on ice, beer and burger buns for their Memorial day weekend. I made a b-line straight for....drum roll please... The Ben And Jerry's; Cake Batter and S'mores to be exact. That should do for 4 days I think. Whilst perusing the many comforting creamy concoctions, I got a whiff of man. Well not man to be exact, but some delightful combination of cologne and man.

Does this affect anyone else? Perhaps it was the lonely spinster ennui I felt towards my life. Or maybe...

My olfactory senses are diabolical. So, if there were any perfect and most opportune time to segeway into the topic of guys, I think pity-party-Ben-and-Jerry's-in-the-Safeway-aisle-giving-up-on-life-and-its-meaning-gal, is the perfect character and beginning to this rant of a blog.

This is going to wax Mary Catherine Gallagher a touch...But, have you ever just really liked a smell? I'm not talking gross smell, like hands under your arm pits or creepy leering guy who smells children's hair. I'm saying, you walk by the perfume counter in Macy's and suddenly can't step away from the Aqua De Gio even though it reminds you of every tool you can recall in the history of tools, or you can't put down the Hugo bottle because it would involve severing your own arms...?

Yeah, that's me. Creepy Mal.

I'm not saying I love the smell of cologne all of the time. For instance, Axe... I immediately want to kick the guy in the teeth, instead of reacting the way the commercials would have you believe. Also, Old Spice...Yeah, my dad smells like old spice, so thats a no.

Guys need to stop with the cologne, it's better for all of us. If you don't want to get kicked in the teeth, or jumped by a fat girl with her fists full of Ben and Jerry's, then maybe go a touch light on the after shave, tone down the cologne please... But, this is not an invitation to not smell good entirely.... stinky man stench is not attractive, girls don't like it 99.9% of the time.

*Ok, I'm really crying of laughter right now because I almost said BJ's instead of Ben and Jerry's...A whole new twist to grocery shopping.

Anyway, I guess my rant is done... Now I will go pop in a little P&P, build myself a blanket nest, eat my sorrows, and have a good pathetic cry.

Through the fog dammnit!